This morning the fog hung low over the tops of the trees across the river and about two blocks ahead of me, everything was encased in blurry white. I like this sense of being enclosed almost as if there is a certain peace that surrounds me.
At least that is how the mist and fog in nature make me feel.
It is quite a different when I can’t see clearly what is on my path ahead in the figurative sense. Not knowing what lies ahead or having a sense but wondering what the future will look like makes me uneasy. That stuff, I want to see more clearly. I want to know. This obscurity makes me feel off balance. Instead of resting in the place I am, I find myself restless in the waiting times; unsettled.
I know that for the most part trying to discern clearly what is in the way ahead is not going to be useful. Oh, plans are good and sometimes there is a sense of clarity that really helps. But I know that I am really only called to live life moment by moment; trusting that there is someone greater than me who will help me find my way through the foggy spots.
I need to let him enfold and envelope me with a sense of trust. With him is always a secure place and I know that he is here, within and without, over and under me, on my left and on my right.
I guess this was a first for me – being called this. Not sure that I know quite how to handle that, except that I know who I am and I am not that!
I guess the stress of being a parent and having a child who did not take to the sedation well, was the reason. Not very excusable. And the main reason parents are not allowed in the operating room while a procedure is going on. At the point I was called this, I was struggling to keep the child still so that we could at least get a temporary filling in the partially treated tooth. I did not need to take my attention away from the child to deal with the dad.
Made for a crummy morning all around though.
When I was taking Physics and Math in high school, we had a teacher who had a unique and embarrassing way of making sure we got our homework done. If we didn’t have some work we could show him on problems in our notebook we would become part of the "chain gang" working out the problem in front of everyone to see up at the blackboard. Being singled out like this was enough to give me nightmares. It seemed that being up in front of such an expanse of empty board was as close to asking me to work out a problem in my head and give an account orally of how I was doing it. Not my thing.
Maybe that is why I have such a dread of working with numbers to this day. Or else it was my discalculia that made me dread the blackboard.
I have gotten over this – mostly. Numbers still cause my brain to shut down. Letting others see the way I am working out other things has, however, gotten easier. I do my best and I know that when someone is watching me work I have something to teach them. I have achieved a level of confidence with most of what I do. And I also know that if I make a mistake it is not the end of the world. In fact that can also be a good way to learn something new.
These past few days I have been flipping over to the "Blackboard" where we are posting reflections and responses to essays and projects posted there by classmates in the spiritual direction course. There’s a wide variety of reports and essays, from a paper on dreams, on addictions, to ones on the second half of life, to Ignatian Spirituality, etc. These represent a lot of work done by my classmates. I know, since it was a lot of work for me.
Reading the work of my classmates is opening up new views on these subjects. Mostly it is a treat to interact with these people again after very little contact for most of the year.
In all my celebrating this past week of babies and birthdays, I also had a doctor’s appt. The old annual physical. I guess if I tell of my health conundrums here, I should not be distracted by all of this other stuff from reporting on how the health stuff is going.
As one gets older the annual physicals get less attractive. There is no automatic bill of health. The weight or the blood pressure is up too much and there are always a bunch of lab tests and sometimes worse procedures to anticipate.
This year I think I am actually healthier than the past one. So it was not too bad. The weight was down a bit. Blood pressure the same. No new medications to add to the list except a small dose of ASA as a precaution (I guess the use of low dose aspirin is still in some dispute). All the tests on my heart function seem to come back as essentially normal.
So, I guess I am good to go till the next event!
… of celebrating my birthday. It started on Thursday when we had cake and such at the office. The birthday girl can hardly not eat her own cake – right? Then Friday was the real birthday day and Leo and I went to Amy’s for supper. Lobster is a fairly light meal right? So, I was justified in having white chocolate pecan cheesecake for dessert. Saturday saw us heading out to Waskesiu to the Lost Creek Resort for an afternoon and evening with friends.
On the way out, just outside the park, we almost ran into some elk. They were so close I think I could have touched them. But they are wild and I have heard that they are not to be messed with. They are tall and have long legs with a wicked kick.
They certainly were not bothered by our presence.
Later on in the afternoon I went snowshoeing with our friend and we did not see even a squirrel for wildlife! There were lots of tracks. Maybe we made too much noise.
The rest of our spare time this weekend was spent admiring our newest granddaughter. I think she is so beautiful. But I think dresses are not on the parents wish list for her. Maybe a camo outfit would be acceptable.
Wouldn’t it be hilarious if she was a really girly girl? No, maybe that would not be funny.
I think her daddy will bring her up right. Or try.
“Teach us to number our days that we might apply our hearts to wisdom.” On a day like today, when I am naturally inclined to number all 365 x59 of them , it seemed a highly appropriate scripture for the morning. Birthdays have a way of reminding us of many important things.
Jordon mentioned Windows Live Writer on his blog and the way he was singing its praises I decided to try it out. I liked the sound of an easier way to upload pictures into the blog. I used it yesterday and pictures are easy to insert into the entry. I think I still have things to learn about it – like how to line things up and all. But I think it will be a tool that I use regularly.