Lately I have felt a bit like a lump of clay waiting for the potter to decide on where to squeeze me, prod me and shape me. It is hard to wait ’cause I think I should have some kind of shape. I have had a certain kind of shape for a long time and somehow it has begun to fit me poorly. I am sort of waiting for a make-over I guess. Maybe the make-over has begun – just no final shape yet and I am growing impatient with not knowing exactly for what purpose I will take shape. Which is kind of stupid since I am not the potter. I guess the time spent now being shaped, which I am sure is going on even if I don’t feel much, will result in what the potter wants.
I hope. It is hard to live in a liminal space.
I don’t want to live passively, as if nothing matters to me. I want to live expectantly even if I don’t know what is coming next. Learning to trust the potter with the design.
That is very figurative, I know. Waiting is hard. Waiting for things to move me towards retirement, towards new roles after that. Not knowing, waiting for pieces to fall into place, attempting to give some pieces a push. This in between place is a hard place to live.
The weekend was a bit chaotic. I was so tired yesterday. It was all very good and I was so happy to have all the kids home over the past few days but it is still more tiring than I realize until they are gone and the quiet settles in again.
I got a bit of time to go up and visit my littlest granddaughter yesterday afternoon, thinking that I would get a chance to do something useful for Michelle and help her out a bit. Instead, Kimia slept the whole time pretty much. I did get to hold her but I was also falling asleep. It was cozy and warm in the sun. Then Michelle got me a cup of tea and we chatted. I think they are doing fine. She is such a beautiful little thing.
Yesterday I also took about an hour in the afternoon and again a half hour in the evening to practice my bass. The songs are improving. If they didn’t go so bloody fast, I would be anticipating the concert coming up in two weeks with more excitment. Maybe I will be up to speed – but I doubt it. I will hit the occasional note and try to look "with it".
Today it is back to work. I wish I was still at home for some reason. This week is promising to be pretty cool, however and so, in spite of the geese’s return, I think spring is going to be a while in the coming. I hope I will find time this year to plant and putter in the yard.
Did you know that the geese came back today?
Promises of spring coming on the day that we celebrate the resurrection and the fulfillment of God’s promises to us for love and life everlasting.
I thought that was pretty cool.
It has been a good and full day – from the very cold (-13C) sunrise service at 7am to this beautiful afternoon (+2 C). There were 16 or so around my tables at noon aged from 84 yrs to a week and a half. We had turkey and ham and all the trimmings and then there was the great Easter egg hunt. Two boys running around so excited for each egg they found! And now Zaka has eaten just about all his chocolate eggs.
We were standing around the island watching Zaka deviscerate the chocolate bunny. There was a large hole from side to side – as if he had simply blown a hole in it. Right through the belly. I guess tonight he goes off with his father for a week or two. The guy showed up and wanted to take him away today but G stood her ground and he has been here with us and his cousins to help us all enjoy the day. We were discussing Zaka’s consumption of chocolate and the upcoming trip and what too much chocolate can do to the gut of a small boy. I guess we were not trying to keep him away from the chocolate that hard. I hope we can be forgiven for such things. I hate to see his mom so blue anticipating his departure. I am praying for a safe trip for him as he drives with his father to Edmonton. And a quick return. We love him so much.
Kieran got a new puzzle for Easter and that is what has been occupying him all afternoon. He can be entertained for hours with a puzzle.
Other children and grandchildren have come and now are gone again. At dinner, we had all five of our grandchildren and their mothers together. Picture time!
It was a good and very blessed day.
I got home from the wedding tonight to a house full of kids and noise and laughter. Well, actually there were some screams from the younger ones as they played "fighting" with David.
There were fresh sugar cookies that Sara, Kieran and Zaka had made and iced. Now they are almost gone and the volume has died down as most of the adult children settle down to watch no Country for Old Men.
I’ve been admiring my grandson’s new teeth and puttering around in the kitchen to get ready for the early Sunrise service and our hosting of the hardy few that come so early for breakfast after.
Then we have a big Easter dinner with about 17 people gathered around our table and coffee table and the kitchen island and anywhere else they can find a spot to sit. Then an Easter egg hunt for the kids, maybe a good walk or a nap after that.
Then I think we will all go back on the old diet plan. We will need to. I think I will celebrate with a wee bit of chocolate tomorrow!
One batch of people left this afternoon – the four with the band. For lunch we had spaghetti, garlic toast and salad. I thought I might be able to get by without cooking supper. But about fifteen minutes after they left, up drove another son and girlfriend. Within minutes of his arrival the leftovers had been devoured. And since they are only staying till tomorrow, I had better feed at least the girl friend one decent meal. So out came the pork chops.
I think I had better go for a long walk. Sara is also in the process of making carrot cake cupcakes. By the end of this weekend I may have to go back on that no-carb part of the South Beach Diet just to lose all the extra weight I will put back on this weekend. I should have gone ahead and bought those mini-eggs. What more harm could they do?
It seems I have The Rebellion at my house tonight. They are in town to play at Belly Up, a local pub.
One spare bedroom for Annette and the grandkids. The other for the band.