It is a bit weird around here these days. I’m back at work so my days are busy. Then I come home and the house is pretty much empty. Sara comes home at 5:30 and informs me she is going to her boyfriend’s mother’s birthday supper so won’t be eating. Leo comes home a bit later and by that time our supper is ready.
Of course I’ve cooked at least twice as much as I needed to. My fridge is quickly filling up with leftovers.
Obviously, I am going to have to learn to cook differently.
Then the evening settles in. I had errands to run last night so was kept busy till about 9. Then, there seemed as if there was a sort of vacuum in my schedule. I had no papers to write, no books that I had to read. No grandchildren dropped by. I was sort of lost.
Time to rethink that rule of life I worked on a year or so ago. I don’t want to just drift along through life aimlessly from now on. And I am not sure that I am quite ready for more serious studies, although there is an itch in there that may drive me to that.
I seem to still find myself in some sort of an in between time – a time of waiting and unsettledness. Stuff is brewing but it is hard for me to put a name to it – I think I may be afraid to. I seems that something I feel pushed towards, I am feeling too old to start. And yet, what does it mean to be too old? I likely have another 20 years or so of pretty good quality life – although that is never certain.
So, this stuff is stewing around in my head and heart and I am not sure why. Weird. I must be patient and see what comes.
I arrived back at home by about 4pm local time. Zaka traveled so well. Seven and a half hours of traveling is long for an adult, let alone an almost 3 year old. The DVD player sure did help make his trip easier. I think he must have the cars movie pretty well memorized by now! Its his favourite and the fact that he received a gift of two little cars from the movie while he was at the reunion made his day – made his whole weekend, I think.
The reunion was fantastic.
It was very relaxing. Nobody got too stressed over the glitches in the schedule – although the cinnamon buns which were a couple of hours late – well. If they hadn’t been ssooo good when they arrived we might have been upset. Instead they simply became brunch and we didn’t eat lunch.
There was no hectic schedule. The only event that has a time attached to it that had to be respected was the golf game. I hear that everyone that golfed had a good time. I enjoyed babysitting so that Michelle could golf and Kimia was a perfect angel for me – really.
I think Zaka’s favourite activity was blowing bubbles and he made some great ones. We all had fun with that. He met a couple young cousins that he had great fun with. And Trent was so good with him and the other little kids! And then there was Glen – he has grand fathering in his blood!
I think I am blessed to have this kind of family in my heritage.
I am a bit bogged down in homework. Reading and writing. Some days the thoughts seem locked inside and there is no time to sit and let them ease their way to the surface. It all must be completed by Saturday.
I wish I could retreat to a quiet place and think. Just think.
But that is not likely to happen, seeing as I am on call and had to add an extra 4 people to my schedule today already.
Oh,yes, and where do I see God in this day? I’m hoping that I will have time to notice ’cause I’m pretty sure he is here.
I have a patient who recently came in for a new partial denture among other things. We are waiting to do a whole bunch of crowns on her front teeth. This has become a bit of a concern to me.
Not that the work will be beyond my scope. It will be challenging enough to be fun. Six front teeth. A good morning’s work.
What worries me a bit is her dislike for her physical self and this shows up in her attitudes towards her teeth. Or may be the poor attitude towards herself comes from the poor appearance of her front teeth. My profession would have me believe that fixing her teeth will make a significant contribution to her well being. And I hope it will.
But to me, there is something sad about that. She does not even want to look at herself in the mirror. She does not want to look at her teeth. She does not see herself as lovely, as a beautiful person.
I believe that a person who realizes their value as living beings, loved by others and loved by their creator, does not need to have perfect teeth in order to be beautiful. There is a quality that shines out from a deeper place within them that gives them a glow and makes them attractive no matter what their appearance is.
I can’t give this woman that sort of glow. I can’t make perfect teeth for her since she still has a bit of a crooked bite. I can improve what is there but I can’t do the sort of miracle that I think she wants. I think she wants to feel beautiful. I can only do technical stuff. The sense of being really beautiful can only come from a healing at the heart and mind level.
I hope she finds the deeper healing that creates beauty from within. Then she will really smile.
– riding home from work in the misty rain
– drinking tea on cool nights like this
– curling up on a big chair with a shawl and a good book (even if it is required reading for my course)
– watching my grandson grin from ear to ear as he takes a few faltering steps on his own
Some good friends and fellow missionaries, Roger and Eileen Thorpe, were recently honored at the Annual Meeting of the Covenant Church. You can read the story here.
Dr. Roger and Leo worked together for almost all of the years we were in the Congo. Roger and I did a few procedures together as well – stuff involving the head and neck. Eileen attempted to teach my kids music at the missionary kids school but I mostly remember her gift of hospitality.
For the past two summers, they have hosted Randall and I as we studied in Chicago, living only a few blocks from North Park Seminary. They are gracious in opening up their home to us. And so, again this summer we (and Leo and Lauralea who will join us at the end of the course) will be privileged to stay with them.
Reflecting on Teresa of Avila’s writings, The Interior Castle and a quote from someone given to me by one of the spiritual directors here,
“There are places in my heart that I have never been. Lord, sometimes I don’t know myself. I am blessed that you do.”
I get the feeling that there are whole rooms inside me that God wants to open and infuse with his presence. I don’t know what they are or how to go there – yet. I guess if God wants to go there then he knows the door to them. Someone said that these sorts of doors are tricky – they can only be opened from our side, which I think is true to an extent. However, somehow we have to hear God knocking from the other side, I think, before we realize where the door is located. Gradually as I open up those inner places to God I believe that I will understand a whole new level of freedom and be closer to really knowing who I am.
So, here in the silence I have been discovering stuff about me and God. And it is good.