I had a first time experience yesterday. I guess it was kind of first time for the whole office. We called the police to come and remove a patient from the waiting room.
I also had my first one on one conversation, of sorts, with a patient so inebriated that she swung from being in tears to drooling to using descriptive phrases we don’t normally allow people to use in our office. Finally sort of convinced her that we could NOT work on her and that she would have to go back out to the waiting room and call someone to come and pick her up.
It was rather pathetic. She knew a number to call but the answer we got was that it wasn’t their business. The next phone call got a promise to come that was never carried out. Meanwhile she passed out in our waiting room only to wake up every now and then to tell everyone to shut up and stop making so much f…ing noise. Sort of disruptive. And very sad actually.
Hated to call the police to take her away.
Sad combination of fear, pain and long standing problems with alcohol. And we could not help her.
Leo took my little laptop down to Saskatoon today to an authorized repair person so that \i could get it fixed on warranty. There is a problem with the bearings in the fan so a part has to be ordered and all. Just so happens there are none of the necessary parts in stock – all on back order. (To me that does not sound good – as if there has been such a high need that they ran out. But maybe that is just my personal sense of loss interpreting this.) I miss my little laptop already!
But Leo, my dear sweet husband has said that I should just go ahead and use his. So I have been setting us a few extras on his and here I am.
I feel as unsettled as the weather today. Big black clouds loomed on the eastern sky and now it is raining.
There is stuff I’m having to deal with right now that looks as dark and foreboding as those clouds. Stuff that makes me wonder how to live out my life in a way pleasing to God, in line with my ethics. It is hard to even know how to live out my ethical beliefs in the best way – no clear cut answers to some dilemmas. It is a bit hard to be specific about what is going on.
Some of this is related to my profession and may become public soon enough. Some is church related and will never be known by anyone but me and some very close friends. In both cases, if you are praying people, I need some guidance from God and would appreciate your prayers.
I decided to have Shredded Wheat this morning – not the preformed sort of sweetened little squares that are called Shreddies – but the bite sized shredded wheat. As I poured boiling water over them and then drained the excess water away, the aroma reminded me so much of my dad. He used to get the big bowl sized shredded wheat ready for us this way when we were kids.
A tinge of longing rose with the aroma.
I have a deep longing that sends me searching for the presence of God and there are many days when I would love to be a hermit or something with nothing but time to seek God’s presence. But, down deep I don’t think that is exactly what God wants most for me. I know that God’s gift of life to me requires that I live daily in conformity with his principles, loving him with all my heart and loving others as Christ himself demonstrated, by being willing to give away everything I am to serve others.
I struggle with the tension of longing to spend time in God’s house, in God’s presence, on one hand, and, on the other hand know that God is present in the lives I touch with my work, with my mothering and grandmothering and as a friend. I will perhaps find evidence of God’s presence best in the people I am willing to be a servant to, even if they are family. The latter is the hardest task somedays (and so “common” – no glamour to be found) but likely the work that is most faithful to the way of Christ.
So, tonight I’m babysitting. Although he is hardly a baby any more. And he is fun and calls out the child in me as we stomp in puddles on the path. And his mom will be out enjoying an evening on the town – because I love her and have to let her go and enjoy life.
Still …. becoming a hermitess has its appeal.
Maybe the best thing about ranting on a blog is that, in the responses, one begins to see that the issue that caused the rant is one that raises the passions because it is one that we also struggle with.
If I rant about how others express love so imperfectly, it is because I also am imperfect and I fight against that.
A rant is a bit like shouting at God. But when we are finished and we begin to listen again, we hear him in new ways, mostly showing us that the rant reflects our own need for his grace.
Maybe I should not write a post when I am upset. I think I am most likely to rant. I need to rant.
I hate protocols and precedents. It seems to me that they kill spontaneity. They squelch a response to God’s spirit moving; calling us to act. They kill love and all the flexibility and responsiveness that a loving relationship needs to grow and flourish as part of God’s great gift of creativity.
Protocols seems to me the way an organization responds. But a community, a family and a living body, when it is forced to adapt to hard and fast rules becomes dysfunctional, I think. So is the church the body, living and responsive, or is it set and hardened within sets of rules?
When we give protocols and policies a higher place than the practice of love we are not practicing the faith Jesus taught us. It was one of his big struggles as he walked among a land full of religious leaders who had forgotten the real meaning of God’s law.
In Matthew 23: 23 and 24 Jesus said, “What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are careful to tithe even the tiniest income from your herb gardens, but you ignore the more important aspects of the law—justice, mercy, and faith. You should tithe, yes, but do not neglect the more important things. Blind guides! You strain your water so you won’t accidentally swallow a gnat, but you swallow a camel!
There, now I feel slightly better.