We are waiting for several events around our house. Grace is most of all impatiently waiting for her baby who was due on Friday. It is not too surprising that it is going over her due date. I wonder what the percentage of past due date first babies are? I think it is pretty high. I gave reassured her that it will however not forget to come forth and that there is no worry – she will not somehow sleep through it. She was saying she was having some contractions last night and was afraid to fall asleep.
We are also right now waiting for Sara. We are waiting to go to Superstore to do some shopping for things she “needs”. I reminded her it has better be for things she needs. She had to shower, straighten her hair, get dressed, and whatever else it has been taking her what seems like hours to do. Grace and I got dressed. we are after all just going to Superstore!
Four years ago, Oct 17th, Logan Mathew Alexander Lanoie-McEwan died in the arms of his parents. Two days old. We were all there together. Peace to his memory. He helped join two families together. That part of our lives cannot be undone. Lord have mercy on us. Grant us more of your healing today.
Today – lots of good conversation, laughter, food. Being with friends. It is one of God’s ways of letting us know we are cared for.
Thank you God for friends.
I have been getting to know my grandson – one good thing that has come out of these days of broken relationships. Yesterday and last night we spent a lot of time together. And he had a good time. A week ago he would have spent a lot more time crying.
I also am beginning to learn first hand that family gatherings are hard times for those in the grieving process. Absences are magnified and hurts are all too close to the surface. In spite of family being there to support, there are times when we can’t. We can’t take away pain. We go on with our celebrations and in the midst of celebration pain becomes magnified for the hurting ones. They do not want to spoil the day for everyone so they stay away. So David stayed home, alone for Thanksgiving. Kieran went with us over to his Great-grandmother’s place.
It was kind of cool, actually in some ways, that the celebration moved over to our house in the evening and the guys of the family gathered around David. And then some friends of his called and he got to go and spend some time with them.
Meanwhile Grandma babysat again.
A couple of things struck me about the relationship between Kieran and me. I want to get to know him better. I want him to know that I love him. I know that if I am going to make this clear to him I can’t just say it; I can’t stay up on the adult plane of events and expect him to “get” the fact that I love him and want to know him. I have to get down on his level when I want to play with him. So I have spent a lot of time sitting on the floor, crawling around as he plays cars, picking him up to sit beside me so we can read or do puzzles. I have to. Otherwise he won’t feel my enjoyment in his play. He won’t know that he has my undivided attention. He won’t know that I want to play with him, be with him and love him. He’s got to get to know me and he’s got to learn to trust that I love him.
There is a lot in this grandmother/grandchild relationship that reminds me of God and myself. Can you imagine if he had not come down to our level? He actually got down here and played in the stuff that makes up our lives. And he has shown me many times that he is right down here beside me working through the stuff that puzzles me right now. So I trust him – I am learning to.
the day when everyone at work asks “How was your weekend?”
This is work. I’m the boss. Dental offices are not always the cheeriest places anyway. What am I supposed to say? Crappy – about as sad as they get?
So, much of the day was spent pushing my emotions under cover.
Then I managed to have a good talk with someone. That helped.
Little things like that are small gifts. Thank you God.
I was in the middle of posting some painful stuff about love – watching it die. Maybe it is more true to say that it is killing something in my son. I feel helpless. So I tried to put it into words but couldn’t.
Then I remember that in our weakness God shows his strength. Well, we are pretty weak and helpless right now.
Lord have mercy on this fragile thing of a marriage.
Have mercy on the little guy who already is caught in the middle.
Give us some of your wisdom. Grant our prayers for healing.
Lord have mercy.
This morning early we gathered at the church to pray – our regular Wednesday a.m. Gatecrashers. I look forward to this time with anticipation most weeks and I did today as well but this morning it was hard to get moving. Everything about me seemed stiff and slow moving.
My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
And my heart responds, “Lord I am coming.” (Psalm 27:8)
The events of this week have accumulated, in a way. They weigh me down and the week is just half over: problems with a woman who, claiming to be a friend, is actually taking advantage of my elderly aunt, being one of my fathers health care providers was, this time around, stressful, a daughter phoning to hear a cheerful word in the middle of the night when I was tired. All these people looking to me for help; for some kind of solution when I am feeling right out of answers and right out of energy.
Teach me how to live, O Lord. (Psalm 27:11)
David expresses so well what I am feeling some days. This macho, warrior, king with multiple responsibilities expresses his need for God’s presence in ways that I connect with. I thank God for the Psalms that so many years later express feelings I feel now and convey God’s love to me still.
The one thing I ask of the Lord –
The thing I seek most –
is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
delighting in the Lord’s perfections
and meditating in his Temple.
For he will conceal me there when troubles come;
he will hide me in his sanctuary.
He will place me out of reach on a high rock.
Then I will hold my head high,
above my enemies who surround me.
At his tabernacle I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy,
Singing and praising the Lord with music.
(Psalm 27:4 to 6)