The tension of living with longings

I have a deep longing that sends me searching for the presence of God and there are many days when I would love to be a hermit or something with nothing but time to seek God’s presence.  But, down deep I don’t think that is exactly what God wants most for me.  I know that God’s gift of life to me requires that I live daily in conformity with his principles, loving him with all my heart and loving others as Christ himself demonstrated, by being willing to give away everything I am to serve others. 

I struggle with the tension of longing to spend time in God’s house, in God’s presence, on one hand, and, on the other hand know that God is present in the lives I touch with my work, with my mothering and grandmothering and as a friend.  I will perhaps find evidence of God’s presence best in the people I am willing to be a servant to, even if they are family.  The latter is the hardest task somedays (and so “common” – no  glamour to be found) but likely the work that is most faithful to the way of Christ. 

So, tonight I’m babysitting.  Although he is hardly a baby any more.  And he is fun and calls out the child in me as we stomp in puddles on the path. And his mom will be out enjoying an evening on the town – because I love her and have to let her go and enjoy life.

Still …. becoming a hermitess has its appeal.


Filed under Dealing with stuff, grandchildren

2 responses to “The tension of living with longings

  1. Toni

    Somehow I missed this.

    Yesterday I was thinking to myself after a weekend crowded with too many churchy things how much I got worn out by all the meetings, but how I was happy to have God’s presence go with me. I’m not sure that I long to get away and be alone, but I definitely overdose on meetings.