Monthly Archives: October 2008

Right now

I sort of wondered if posting this would just be too much of a revelation of how difficult it is to say good bye this time to these folks. And this in spite of the fact that I know it was right and good for them to go.

Then, I thought, it is where I am right now. I will post it because it is colouring my life right now and so if this blog is about life and how I live it, then this is very much a part of living life for me right now.

 

It will get better. I hope. No, actually, I know it will. But right now…

 

Do you find yourself grieving as hard as I am?

How hard is that, you probably ask, and why?

Very hard, it seems. It hurts and tears at my gut

And my eyes, normally dry, are full of tears.

The “why” is easy, my friends have moved away,

Out of my sight, out of my neighborhood.

And when I visit places where they’ve belonged,

I’m flooded with memories that make my heart hurt.

This morning, the place of prayer was empty

‘Cept for me. One friend sick, another gone.

Just God and me, and memories.

So this morning, God heard my tears.

Among my prayers for others,

He listened to laments.

God, the Beloved God that I have learned to seek,

Knows how I feel and hears me.

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Filed under Day to Day, Dealing with stuff, Poetry and Stuff

Happy Birthday

That actually was yesterday.  I just did not have time to post this because I was up at his house eating cake that he baked.  Chocolate – rich with chocolate chips too – and chocolate icing.  I raised him well, eh?

(Personally, I am not a baker, so I have no idea where he learned)

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So my first born is now 35.  Has his own first born now. 

Some days life is great.

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Today was quite the Sunday

It was.  And still has a bit to go before its over. 

There was so much grief and sadness wrapped in with excitement and anticipation.  The adventure of new things mixed in with the loss of the old ways and customary things.

Final – well not "final" is the true sense of the word but conclusive enough for now – goodbyes were said to the Friesen’s, Randall, Lauralea and Micah, as we all sort of hung around, not really wanting to be the ones to leave first.  Maybe not so many tears were shed as just a sense of deep aching in the heart.  These last ten years have been so good.

Beginnings took place as well.  Marc begins his new adventure as our part time office /administrator/speaker on some Sunday’s person while we wait for a new pastor.  He is going to do well.  I appreciated what he said this morning.  I think that means he is going to let God use him to take us along the next steps of the path.  So this will be a good adventure with him and God. 

I began teaching the youth class today as well.  What a great bunch of youth.  I am going to have a good time with them.  We are exploring Spiritual Pathways together and the truth is that I will probably learn at least as much from them as I teach.  So, this part is my little corner on the adventure too – as well as speaking about once a month. 

In some ways today seemed a bit like spring – like the mother and father birds giving us the final nudge off the edge of the comfy nest, watching us spread our tiny little wings as we flap them furiously and begin flight on our own.  The nice part is that there seems to be this updraft that is carrying us along.  Our wings may be way too small for the job but we are helped along by a force way bigger than we are. 

So, this is it.  We are off and flying solo with a lot of help.  And it is, I believe, going to be good.

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Filed under church, Dealing with stuff

Hot tub

One hot tub.  Eight women.  A few bottles of wine and other things to drink.  One Dr Pepper for the Meg. 

Good times.  Such good times.

Now to sleep.

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Launching

It felt a bit weird having a church council meeting – with no pastor Randall.  There was a void.

It felt weird to have him come in and fill us in on this weeks unexpected events that he is faithfully hanging around for and then have him leave and let us get on with our meeting.

It felt weird to launch out on our own into the discussions about the upcoming schedule, setting up a search committee for a new pastor, etc.

It sort of brings it home clearly that this church does not belong to the pastor, that we are the church and it belongs to God.

So here we go, launching off into the unknown, needing to discern so many things for the future.

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Not right?

Maybe people thought that it was not right to go to a dental appointment and vote on the same day.

I think they might think that.

Otherwise, why am I sitting here waiting for patients that are not showing up?

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Filed under Day to Day, Dental, Reflections

Surrogates for Tears

Maybe if my eyes stay dry
My lips stop quivering
I swallow the cord
That ‘stricts my throat,
Maybe then it will not be
Reality, this “good-bye.”

“That’s a good girl,
Don’t cry.”

But what I want most is to weep.
To let it go; let the sweet
Release of tears
Ease the ache.
But years have won their way.
I have forgotten how
To let sobs voice my
Heart sounds. Its door
Craves opening.
But
It can not.

“That’s a good girl
Don’t cry.”

A parting wave,
False smile,
Some tired cliché’s
Are poor relief for sadness.
So, I weep these words
As surrogates for tears,
And pour them on this page;
Healing oil
To ease my pain at parting.

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Filed under Dealing with stuff, Poetry and Stuff