Right now

I sort of wondered if posting this would just be too much of a revelation of how difficult it is to say good bye this time to these folks. And this in spite of the fact that I know it was right and good for them to go.

Then, I thought, it is where I am right now. I will post it because it is colouring my life right now and so if this blog is about life and how I live it, then this is very much a part of living life for me right now.


It will get better. I hope. No, actually, I know it will. But right now…


Do you find yourself grieving as hard as I am?

How hard is that, you probably ask, and why?

Very hard, it seems. It hurts and tears at my gut

And my eyes, normally dry, are full of tears.

The “why” is easy, my friends have moved away,

Out of my sight, out of my neighborhood.

And when I visit places where they’ve belonged,

I’m flooded with memories that make my heart hurt.

This morning, the place of prayer was empty

‘Cept for me. One friend sick, another gone.

Just God and me, and memories.

So this morning, God heard my tears.

Among my prayers for others,

He listened to laments.

God, the Beloved God that I have learned to seek,

Knows how I feel and hears me.

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Filed under Day to Day, Dealing with stuff, Poetry and Stuff

0 responses to “Right now

  1. I know what you mean, Linea. And if I think about it long enough, it makes my eyes water and my stomach feel all fluttery. So…I’m just going to not think about it right now.

  2. Linea

    Dixie, Yeah,I don’t actually sit around thinking about it all the time but it really sunk in this morning when I went up to the church to pray early – and I knew there would be no Randall there to pray with – not that it was his favorite time of the day to pray or anything, but there was just no way he would walk out of his office door.

  3. Thanks for the transparency.


  4. Being busy and distracted helps over here.

    But whenever I look at pictures of the old house I’m getting all watery too. Weird and strange, a house for petes sake.

  5. Linea, I think we need to find the “Randall mask” from last year’s Halloween party, put it on a dummy (well, something stuffed at least) with an orange shirt and the mask as his face.

    It may get us through those cold Wednesday winter mornings at church….just a thought…;-)

  6. Linea

    Sharon – I think you are on to something! Now which face shall we use? I think there were two choices. Maybe it will depend how we are feeling.