Monthly Archives: June 2006

Gearing up for the big day

This week is all about finals – till Thursday. 

Then we will switch into grad mode – party time!  It is a good time to celebrate the achievements Grace has made over the years.  Academics may not be her strong suit but she is going to make it. and if she can handle four subjects with a new born babe and do it with the strength she has shown, I think she can reach some of the goals she had in mind before Zaka came along. 

We seem to have had grads and weddings every summer for the past few years.  I think I have enough dresses and seem to wear them so rarely that they are still like new.  Unlike Lauralea, there are no new gowns in the plans for me.  And I am glad.  These big events eat up the cash in all the little and big things that are “needed.”

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Listening to God

When I go away, out of my ordinary routine, to a quiet place, with the main purpose being to listen to God, I often am afraid.  Not afraid of hearing God speak but of trying so hard, of wanting to hear him speak in certain ways, that I miss out on what he wants to speak into my life at that moment in time. 

 

The usual quiet places in my house have been invaded this summer.  The World Cup begins early in the mornings and as soon as the guys are up, the TV goes on.  That is my usual corner to meditate in the early morning.  I have found another corner, to be sure, but it still feels as if my still quiet place is disrupted.  Often there are sleeping bodies in various places – couch or floor this summer, too and extra moving around on my part is likely to disturb someone’s sleep. 

 

Don’t get me wrong – I love having the house invaded by the kids.  It is their home and I am glad they come back to it.  But for solitude???  Not a good thing.

 

So, I have been planning for awhile to get away to some very quiet place and take some time to listen to God more closely.  I seem to need these times.  The solitude nurtures my ability to listen.  There have been some hard things to work through this spring and I needed to hear God again. Friday evening I headed up to the Franciscan Forest Sanctuary close to Christopher Lake. 

 

On Saturday morning, I woke refreshed.  Breakfast was ready and I sat down alone at the table, looking out the large windows at the forest and the two hummingbirds flitting around between the Saskatoon bush and the feeder.  The male with his bright red throat would pause for awhile sitting on the bush or the top of the rail of the deck.  I thought how they just are.  They are beautiful and they were created for what?  They are not expected to do anything that I can determine, just fly, nest, raise their young – just be; just fit into their place in the whole scheme of life that God created.  In being what they were created to be, they provide something beautiful for us to enjoy.

 

The picture behind the table said “Just to be is a blessing, to live is holy.”  I am not sure who the quote is from but the meaning seemed very true in the incredible silence of the morning.   Just living in that moment was holy.

 

As I sat just reflecting on these things, I found my eyes filling with tears.   As the trees surrounded and seemed to embrace the sanctuary with the forest, I felt as if I was being held like a small child by her mother, just being still in the care of someone who loves me very much.  The feelings and the experience are a bit difficult to describe. The sense of being mothered was overwhelming and good.

 

It caused me to reflect on the longings in me to be a mother – to be mothering the children I have; to embrace them as they are and give them a place where they are always welcome, safe and loved.   I think that desire also comes through in my desire to provide what I can to nurture faith in others so that they can find this safe place in God’s care.

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Father's Day

A day to honor fathers – I guess I am honoring the father of my children by letting him stay at home today and play golf in the afternoon.  My own dad – I will honor by trying to be a good parent for my kids.

I will be on my way shortly with Sara for Regina where she will be playing soccer.  Yesterday’s match was cancelled due to rain and poor field conditions in Saskatoon.  Last night when I got home from my retreat, I was surprised to find her here since she was expected to be in Saskatoon; I was to pick her up there and drive to Regina. 

My short retreat was good.  I will write more about that later.  The retreat center is up for sale.  There is only one sister there now and the congregation she is a part of is aging.  There are no new recruits to carry on this work.  That makes me sad as it is not likely gong to sell to a group that will use it as a spiritual retreat – perhaps it will be sold to a group wanting to have a native healing centre.  Oh for a few hundred thousand in extra cash!  I could live there quite happily. 

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Last day at school

Today will be the last day I spend at the school dental clinics.  Just the morning too.  There are things to finish up, a root canal for a kid who has no insurance or means to go anywhere else, won’t be many new cases to examine since there is only one week left. 

This afternoon I will take care of as much business stuff as I can – checking on my auntie’s phone to see if I can tell if it is broken or if the ringer just got turned way down. 

And this evening I head a bit north of here to the Franciscan Forest Sanctuary for an overnight retreat.  It will be short but quiet.  I have to be back Saturday evening again.  Sunday I take the long road to Regina and back for Sara’s soccer game.  Eight hours on the road for two hours of soccer.  Crazy!  Parents are pretty crazy sometimes, but she really wanted me to go with her this time and it has been a long time since I did that for her.

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Beyond

Have you ever experienced that trace of something akin to longing for a distant place to which you should make your way?  It is somewhere just past the edge of my conscious mind.  It is a sense of something existing that is beyond the reality we know.  It is something more than my mind can catch a hold of – like the reality of another level of existence that I do not understand but that my heart calls out to become part of.  It is as if I know that someday I will understand and belong to that place but for now I have to live in skin.

 

Beyond

 

I live in a misty valley

Beyond which lie things

I have never seen.

Rumours?  Maybe

A place of wonder

Beyond this wall of mist. 

My hands fumble searching passage,

Where is the hidden door?

Fog slips through fingertips,

Only mist and more mist beyond mist.

The nymph of the place beyond luring me

To who knows where?

The sun?

I am charmed, seduced,

Drawn by this dream

Of another world,

Of light beyond the low grey clouds,

Beyond this mist.

There! Did I hear it call again?

The nymph sings

And I can not join it yet.

 

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Here I sit waiting

This has been almost a write off as far as patients showing up.  I am glad I can access the internet otherwise,I would be really bored. 

There are no weather related excuses.

Maybe the flu?

And since my CRV is in the shop getting serviced, I am condemned to just sit and wait.

Might as well go and write cheques for payroll.  I am not making any income but the staff must be paid!

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Keeping the pressure down

Today the sun came out again.  Things are very waterlogged.  My plants look a bit as if they had too much to drink – sort of limp and hung over.  but now the sun has appeared again and I imagine they will be better off tomorrow.

Since the evening was beautiful, I went out for a bike ride.  I was reading some healthy type magazine that comes to our office free.  The article stated that a person should get 60 minutes of physical activity every day – not necessarily at once, it could be in 10 minute segments.  This amount of activity would help to keep blood pressures down and I imagine weight might go down as well.  Since I am just on the edge of the high range of blood pressure, I know that this is something I should do. 

I wonder if taking 10 minutes to get out of bed and go down stairs to make coffee, returning up the stairs again to bring a cup to my lazy husband(still in bed), counts as physical activity?

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