One very tired head.
One very depressed me.
Not a good combination for sitting through a seminar.
How can stewardship, as in money management, be the core to our spiritual growth?
Maybe it is. I don’t know. I felt just rotten all morning till at the break I went out for a walk in the drizzle, cried a bit on a friend’s shoulder, then doodled away at some games while we listened. That, crazy as it sounds, helped me to listen better. Maybe it took my mind off the disagreeableness of the subject so I could hear part of what God was trying to get across. I just do not find money matters very interesting.
You know, in the past if God told me to give, I would give, even if it left me short. I would do it with joy because it was a gift back to God. And I was never really short. God has always provided abundantly. And giving on a regular basis to our church has always been a given.
I think my personality is just not compatible with this (money management) being at the centre of my relationship with God. At least not in this way –very managerial, very organized, very planned out. Giving has always been such a joy and I felt no joy today. Is this something God wants me to just be obedient about – submitting to the will of the greater church body that seems to want this emphasis? I am willing to be obedient but I need more than just stoic obedience.
I really want to hear God on this. So I guess I will have to listen some more.
It is hard to listen well when I am tired and depressed.
It is hard to get rest with many children in the house.
On a brighter note – we were able to celebrate Grace’s eighteenth birthday together as a family at supper time. I didn’t think we would get to do that because of the timing of the seminar. But we ended earlier than planned. Patrick came home from Saskatoon today and brought some pondu (manioc greens) and prepared them for supper. His gift to Grace who loves this African dish.