Daily Archives: June 23, 2005

If this is love … Couldn't I have gotten an easier assignment?

Why does God seem to throw these big challenges up in my face?  Sometimes I wish he would put choices before me that are more palatable.  But I know enough to know that some things are commands.  Like “love one another.”  “Do good to those that hate you.”   Jesus didn’t just mouth these words.  And I can’t and claim to follow him either.

So, has he done this – putting the mother of my daughter’s boyfriend in my care as a patient?  I know that I can carry on providing good treatment.  I don’t let whether I like my patients detrrmine how well I do their work.  And we did not have to carry on a conversation since she hardly speaks any English.  Thank God for that.  At least that is how I felt.  I was hoping she would not ask me anything about Grace – and she did not.  I don’t know what I would have said.  But she did say “thank-you” in a very warm and friendly way as she left.

Maybe I should claim a conflict of interest and ask my partner to care for her.  But she is a Muslim woman and he is a man.  I suspect this is the main reason I was chosen to provide care.  So passing off her care would not be kind or respectful and she has done me no harm really – not her.

It is very difficult to respond in love.  I know Jesus would not have shunned this woman.  So I know what I am expected to do.  But the feelings sure are not there.  I don’t know what I feel.  This woman who has come to Canada from the Sudan; to a land where the language and customs are foreign, where people must look at her strangely, covered from feet to head as she is.  I pity her more than I care about her.  I don’t want to learn to love her really.  But there she is in my face – or rather I am in hers, and will be for several more visits. 

What will become of us – bound together by a common grandchild and a strange doctor/patient relationship?  God – help!  I really don’t want to even think about it.  I did not choose this struggle and right now I don’t want to face it.  But… 

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