Daily Archives: March 9, 2005

Just in a rut?

Life gets very hectic at times.  And then the computer starts to act strange.  Writing kind of stops.  It is too frustrating to write stuff and then have the whole computer freeze and lose it all.

Maybe life is just acting strange these days too.  Sometimes it too seems to freeze up, weird things happen.  But mostly it seems to freeze up and get stuck on the routine. 

So the days go on as if stuck in some sort of a rut.  Up, make coffee, go to work, home make supper, some activity in the evening or driving kids.  Finally bed.  The next day repeats. 

Hard to see how God is acting when life just kind of goes on. 

If life as we repeated each day circled around getting closer and closer to God as our centering point, I think that would be good.  Repitition is not bad if we become better at doing life with practice.  But if we are just repeating as a record stuck on some flaw, then it becomes pretty pointless.

I think I have been learning some new lessons about life through these fairly routine days of mine.  I long for more time, more quiet and time to read and simply talk or listen to God.  Sometimes I think the contemplative life in some religious order would be wonderful.  But God has given me this life of mine to live that includes work, kids, a husband, church, friends, etc.  I guess one of the biggest challenges for me is living in this tension of wanting to experience God’s presence at the very heart of me, knowing that it can’t just be about just my emotions (because this would be a very inward looking and for me a self absorbed affair) and being compelled by his calling me to participate in his work in this world through things he has given me to do.  If I am not constantly in touch with God and learning more of him I won’t keep very good balance. 

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