and it is one of the worst I have had in a long time. Leo informs me it is probably some parainfluenza virus. I will go to bed and nurse it. I can actually breath OK through my nose but it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest when I breath deeply. And everything aches. I probably have a fever.
I drove to Saskatoon today to watch Sara play soccer. They ended up second in their pool so have a final game tomorrow.
And I went over to McNally – Robinson to browse and try to pick up a certain book I need to read before I read the one I got for Christmas. And I was going to pick up a Classic FM for Randall. Some turkeys ripped off the CD’s out of the two copies that were left. Stealing Christmas CD’s!
So, I find out the store takes the CD’s out of the magazine. So I was just jumping to conclusions and should have asked.
Tonight it seems that I have nothing to do. Nothing except the unending things that go with having a home – laundry, some cleaning, loading the dishwasher…
No meetings. In fact I just lent my vehicle to Christian who is off to play for a little Tsunami relief benefit. His seems to have sprung a leak from the power steering hose and it is a little too cold to crawl under the car and find out what went wrong. And I think it is safer if he drives mine tonight.
It actually feels a bit weird as if I am missing some meeting that I should be at.
It was great tonight to sit around and talk and laugh with friends. Some weeks there is just a lot of difficult stuff making up life. Funerals. Cold – crazy cold weather. Colds and flu. Money being tight. Laughter and good friends make it all easier to take.
And you know what? The same problems are there. But something happens while you sit around laughing. Old funny stories and experiences come out from the depths of our memories. Cold weather that kills cars and makes men wear “men’s tights” and women wear long underwear loses it’s edge – at least till we all have to leave the warmth of the restaurant and go to our cars.
In fact, I think laughter is probably as essential part of winter survival gear. That and a decaf moka.
Today I found out that one of my patients died suddenly. I’ve seen her every month for about two years – a really nice teenaged girl. Seventeen. In grade twelve. They say she had a massive heart attack. How can a girl that age die of a heart attack? It doesn’t make sense. It is not right. She was too young. It is a bit like a piece out of a bad dream.
You know what I hate the most ? It’s the thought that in a few months we’ll have all moved on and will begin to forget. But I bet her parents won’t – ever. Sometimes it seems like life should just stop for a bit to hold the memories longer.
And all the Tsunami victims – we’ll forget them too soon too.
Life will go on. We forget or get numb or something.
Sometimes I wish I could just break down and cry for all the hurts of people I know. I think I might feel better even if it would not make anything better.
I think I am too much like my father. Maybe I learned from him to hold in the emotions that simply had to be kept in control in order to help others. I vividly remember the day he cried – huge gut wrenching aching cries. He was a pastor and spent a lot of time with people in trouble. One of the men he saw often went crazy and murdered his wife; drinking I think. I suppose there were other times but this is the one I remember. His hurt was suddenly just so visible and I was a little girl watching the strongest man I knew weep.
Funny how this memory always comes back when I wish I could wash away pain with tears.
Today was full of many events; unrelated except that I was somehow involved in all of them.
Sunday, of course means worship practice, then service, then coffee. The kids usually try to talk us into going out to eat somewhere. They tried again today but we, holding the purse, outvoted them. You would think I couldn’t cook or something. Maybe they are right but I thought that salmon baked in a lemon dill sauce with scalloped potatoes and rice for the potato haters was adequate.
Patrick has returned to Saskatoon – went down on the bus today. He is looking forward to getting back to classes after almost four months in the Congo visiting his parents. We sat around after lunch before he left discussing ways to get a better understanding of what one is reading in the Bible. I will miss these discussions with him.
Then went up to the hospital again. Dad was fairly confused this afternoon. Much of what he said made little sense. It is funny how the sentences are fine. He is not talking gibberish. Just whatever story he is telling is like a phrase pulled from a book that none of the rest of us are reading. And he throws it out into the conversation for no rhyme or reason. Another friend is in the hospital again so I dropped by to see her too. And I have a little patient – a newborn waiting for a feeding plate for a cleft lip and palate – we are all waiting for a lab to open somewhere tomorrow.
This weekend I also wrapped up a writing assignment. I feel like it is done anyway. And it is good to be done on time – honestly I am one of the world’s worst procrastinators.
Tomorrow life after the vacation begins in earnest. A full week of work. Wonder if I will survive?
Go ahead and make your resolutions. I usually have no success keeping them so have given up on New Years resolutions. I will just try to tackle each day as it comes as best I can. Less guilt that way. And probably the same success rate.
Where is God when the tsunami’s of the world occur? One reporter asks. Afraid the answers are not very satisfying if we are looking for a God that would always intervene to prevent disasters. The reporter obviously struggles with the lack of satisfying answers.
I ask the same questions even though I know the “right” answers. I hang on to the fact that I have experienced God’s presence and know him to be real. Even caring. Even omnipotent. I hang on to these facts of my own experience even when I can’t understand with my intellect what God is doing. If Jesus wept over Lazarus, how he must be weeping now.