You know for someone who has just come back from some good quiet time, I feel very tired on a spiritual level. Maybe it is just overload or maybe I just need to spend more time just relaxing a bit with who I am in relationship with God. I don’t know that I can explain this very well. What I am trying to say is that there are so many things, experiences, whatever, I want from God that I think I am getting mixed up in wanting those and am sort of losing sight of just knowing God more deeply. I am looking so hard for the direction that God want me to move in that I am unable to move in any direction. And so, I am so uncertain right now if God is giving me ideas that might be useful to pursue or if the ideas are only my imagination working.
And I am expending more energy worrying about what the girls and I should do this summer than I like. Maybe that comes partially from the fact that we have to start moving on a lot of things all at the same time and it is a bit overwhelming. There are tickets to purchase and then visa’s to get, not to speak of the vaccinations, etc. And over the next day or so, I have to look at a list of supplies and do some ordering for the dental team in the Congo, so I guess overwhelmed is probably not out of the question.
And there are teaching sessions that I must prepare in French and I won’t have a nice PowerPoint lecture since I will maybe not have electricity and certainly no projector. And there will be equipment that has been un-serviced for many years that is going to need repair. It’s been a long time since I have had to be my own repairperson so that will take time and patience and parts.
And there will be the inevitable flow of VIPs that, when they hear an expatriate dentist is at Karawa, will come and insist that I, not one of my excellent dental therapists, do their work. (Sometime, I will have to recount the day when I made my patients’ body guards leave their guns at the door.)
And then I have this sense that this trip will be fairly significant on a spiritual level as well as on a dental level. For one thing, I have not seen any of the guy’s I trained for thirteen years and I have had little contact with them. They have been through a war. For me that is going to be a tremendous emotional experience, reawakening friendships. And I think that the fact that so much has changed deteriorated in the thirteen years as far as the physical stuff we left behind buildings and equipment. Maybe I am just realizing that this may not be an easy trip for me emotionally. Then, my girls will have a lot of emotional stuff to deal with too and I will have to be there for them. All this to do in just one month when I look at it this way I know that the trip will be a big challenge.
So if any of you have time for sending off a few prayers God wards for me, I would appreciate it. And I will try to keep you posted as to where we are in the plans.