Well, ok – God moves as he wants and not to my agenda. I am glad of that because I most always mess things up doing things my way.
Back to our meeting this morning after spending some time talking with God but still not seeing where we were headed with our church. Anyways asking him desperately for patience and sight to see and ears to hear him in our discussions.
Rather than our concentrating on specific changes we want, God seems to be walking us through the whole concept of change. And that is a whole lot better than tackling each little thing one at a time. He is helping us to know each other better and see the bigger picture.
So, thanks God. You did some things we needed in your way.
I don’t know why I am feeling a bit poignant although I think we had a good meeting tonight. We were discussing the sorts of administrative structures in our congregation and why. So we looked at some of the early church structure and characteristics and then at how we operate as people and as a church. Maybe I am too demanding and I want to get ahead of where we seem to have gotten to tonight. I guess it seemed like we talked about stuff we have hashed around before. Such as how we are afraid to trust each other, how we hold grudges and are unforgiving. And on the other hand how we love our youth and kids and how we are supportive of each other. We are such contradictions!
Maybe I just don’t know where we are going through this exercise. I am feeling a bit disappointed and blue. I guess I am restless to learn new stuff and it didn’t happen tonight. Maybe the problem is within me. Maybe I am just tired. Just plain tired from too many late nights and early mornings. But tired too of changes coming so painfully slow. Tired of expending my energy to make the organization run and myself caring less and less about us sticking to our constitution and making sure the structures in it run. Tired of seeming so out of touch with the world around me and having none of my offspring care a bit about the structure of the church or making it run.
I love the church I am a part of and all, but a lot of the people in it and I just don’t operate on the same wavelength. And that doesn’t sound like a very loving and accepting statement on my behalf so I know that at least half the problem lies inside me. I sometimes have a very poor attitude and I get rebellious and tonight is one of those rebellious nights for me.
On the other hand my dear husband, the archetypical administrator thought we had a great meeting. Certain members of his group had never been so agreeable he said. So I don’t know what that means. Probably just that I had a bad day or evening or that my own expectations weren’t met.
Well, God, if I am supposed to get something out of this weekend, you had better hit me on the head with it tomorrow. Help me not to be so stupidly self-centered and help me to hear what you are trying to teach me. Make me listen with ears attuned to you and not make any caustic remarks that might hurt my brothers and sisters in this family of yours.
Goodnight God and please give me some refreshing sleep.
Over the past couple of days I have been on the phone with a person from CBC Radio Canada (the French CBC) discussing a story they want to shoot. The weird part of it is that it is our family they want to film. There is some documentary type film in process on families who adopt internationally.
Only a month to clean the house!
Worst of all – only a month to train the kids I’ve raised fairly normally I think to start to behave like some ideal family that deserves to adopt children should.
They want to film us doing some sort of family activity together. Hmmm – most of what we do together is eat – sometimes all at the same table and at the same time. The other activity we do is drive around in the car between their activities. Not much exciting to film there I don’t think.
Since they want to film on a Sunday the other activity we do together is go to church and usually eat a big meal together after. I don’t know if the meal is so much for family togetherness as it is a convienience for me. I figure if I’ve made one big meal they can fend for themsleves for supper while I go out!
So today the contact person called me again and asked if they could film us all sitting together in church. Oh sure – now that is what we normally do for sure. I wonder what I will have to bribe the girls with to sit with their brothers and father rather than with their friends.
I hope this doesn’t disrupt the service too much. Maybe they will realize how dull a family we are and this will never make it into the documentary.
Funny how the French stations have picked up our story. I never think of ourselves as being an exceptional kind of family. In fact we can be downright embarassing to be a part of at times – I’m sure the kids would agree with me on this!!
Tonight was a fun night – a night out of the house for sure. I went back to my office and finished up a root canal on a student in second year of her course at the National School of Dental Therapy across the road from my office.
She called me about a week ago in agony. So we got her some meds and I saw her in my office to open and drain the tooth.
Young – single mom – student – no money. Sounded like a gift of God to me. So I took it and had a great time tonight. Her friend assisted. I got to know both of them better and they got to hear a bit about me. You might say I had an unfair advantage having a captive audience to share a bit about how God got me into this field of dentistry in the first place.
I wish I could take both these girls with me to the Congo this summer. They would love the experience and I would love to have them along. Wish there were funds somewhere for this to be arranged. Well, if God wants that to happen He will have to work it all out because I sure don’t have the extra cash.
I got home and sat down to read for a few minutes – was listening to Dave Matthews Remember Two Things when Christian came in. Last night he and Patrick were recording a demo for the demo for CBC’s Radio Canada so I got to listen to that. Patrick drove up last night after classes, recorded and left this am early for Saskatoon so he could get to his 8:30 am class.
The songs are good – in French. The first was new – Un Monde Sans Pitié (I think)and the second was one I have heard him sing before – Dans le Désert. It sounded like the Njembe Christian got for Christmas was being put to good use too.
My daughter and I also spoke on the phone tonight. She walks to class and Patrick passed her this morning riding his bicyle on his way to class. I’m not sure how cold it was in Saskatoon but it was -27 C here with a wind chill. Not bad for a Congolese!!!
It seems that it doesn’t pay to have a name that sounds like a corporation. Toni has a link to an interesting article about a domain name. Read it here.
I guess it’s not so bad having a name that is so unique that it is likely the only one of it’s kind in the world – so far anyway. Lanoie is pretty rare. Then to top it off mix that with a mis-spelled Swedish name. I do get lots of links from Google searches for Linea though – means line in Spanish and maybe a few other languages too.
Thanks Andrew for linking me up with your book review over at the Ooze. I agree that the book rambles, but Blue Like Jazz is a fun book to read. I found that instead of the message of self-less love being an essential mark of a Christian coming across as something heavy, as a discipline, it came across as a joy to strive for. Being a middle aged woman, it was hilarious to hear his stories as he relates to women. And the guys he lives with are characters I’d love to meet. It does make one a bit “Green With Envy”. I wish I could live in the kind of community he is a part of.
But there is no hope of living in Portland again – I did as a child. But I think I can try to incorporate some of his insights into my life. The chapter on “love” made a lot of sense and I have seen that kind of love work in my own life. God’s love for me is so great and unconditional. He has been teaching me too, over the past couple of years, that I need to love the people He has put in my life – love without expecting anything back. Just loving – no strings attached. Because God gave me these people to love. And maybe I am the only reflection of God they will see.
I have found a book that I am having trouble putting down. So I am up too late reading. I have seen it mentioned a few times and picked it up on the weekend when I was in Saskatoon. Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller is an easy book to just keep on reading. But it is not light reading – not really. He says so much that is honest and real about living our lives in the light of having experienced the love of Jesus.
I liked what he said about noticing people around us that need to be loved. Loving them not in order to make them into Christians but just because they exist.
I find it hard to love a person who has neglected themselves so badly that they smell, have horribly rotten teeth and come with a lot of worn out luggage like addictions and poor self esteem. Yet, I guess these who are valued at almost nothing by themselves or our society are the very ones Jesus would spend time with. And I think I would like to hang around where Jesus is.
To be honest, sometimes it has happened to me – being able to help someone in real need. And it has been of more benefit to me than to them I think. But I really hate it when I know I have passed up an opportunity, succumbing to the pressures of people around me who want to see these people speeded on their way or the economic pressures that make me say to myself “No, I shouldn’t do that. We can’t afford it.” when God has never once failed to meet my needs.