Today was my last day of work this week. Wedding preparations and events are going to occupy my time for the next few days up till Sunday. Tonight Sara and I did some more baking. Tomorrow will be housecleaning and stuff like that. All stuff that in all honesty I mostly hate doing. Especially the housecleaning. I am not sure how some people like doing it. I like a clean and tidy house but I hate the work – I think it is partly an organizational thing and that is not my forte so I do a lot of spinning my wheels.
The other thing that I am not good at is having a lot of people around. They encroach on my space and I begin to feel trapped. I feel like there is no where I can go to just be by myself. And I am worse when I am anticipating the full house than when my house is actually full of people. I manage fairly well once they are all here – it is never as bad as I anticipated. But I never seem to deal with this well.
So tonight has not been a good night. I have had one little meltdown and I hate that. I know why I get so uptight but it seems as if knowing is not enough to handle things. I just can’t seem to keep my feelings from exploding at the wrong people at the wrong time. And I live with a bunch of extroverts who do not “know” how I feel and never will be able to really. And there is always a bunch of stuff that would be fun to do and that I would like to be in on, so I probably take on more than I should say yes to. And then one of the extrovert social types that I live with will suggest having a friend over who shouldn’t be any trouble at all and I explode.
It’s stupid really and I hate when it happens. And after my little rant at everybody in my way then I end up having to apologize. But I am afraid sometimes that in my wild and rabid state that I probably hurt the very ones I love the most. This is the me I most dislike!
Maybe I will have gotten most of this out of my system and the rest of the weekend will be wonderful. I want it to be a very happy occaision for my kids. And if it is stressful for me, it must be way more so for them.
Oh! God, give me a very large, extra big helping of patience with everyone around me!