Daily Archives: November 12, 2003

Patience Please!!

Today was my last day of work this week.  Wedding preparations and events are going to occupy my time for the next few days up till Sunday.  Tonight Sara and I did some more baking.  Tomorrow will be housecleaning and stuff like that.  All stuff that in all honesty I mostly hate doing.  Especially the housecleaning.  I am not sure how some people like doing it.  I like a clean and tidy house but I hate the work – I think it is partly an organizational thing and that is not my forte so I do a lot of spinning my wheels. 

The other thing that I am not good at is having a lot of people around.  They encroach on my space and I begin to feel trapped.   I feel like there is no where I can go to just be by myself.  And I am worse when I am anticipating the full house than when my house is actually full of people.  I manage fairly well once they are all here – it is never as bad as I anticipated.  But I never seem to deal with this well.

So tonight has not been a good night.  I have had one little meltdown and I hate that.  I know why I get so uptight but it seems as if knowing is not enough to handle things.  I just can’t seem to keep my feelings from exploding at the wrong people at the wrong time.  And I live with a bunch of extroverts who do not “know” how I feel and never will be able to really.  And there is always a bunch of stuff that would be fun to do and that I would like to be in on, so I probably take on more than I should say yes to.  And then one of the extrovert social types that I live with will suggest having a friend over who shouldn’t be any trouble at all and I explode.

It’s stupid really and I hate when it happens.  And after my little rant at everybody in my way then I end up having to apologize.  But I am afraid sometimes that in my wild and rabid state that I probably hurt the very ones I love the most.  This is the me I most dislike!

Maybe I will have gotten most of this out of my system and the rest of the weekend will be wonderful.  I want it to be a very happy occaision for my kids.  And if it is stressful for me, it must be way more so for them.

Oh! God, give me a very large, extra big helping of patience with everyone around me!

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