Daily Archives: August 20, 2003

Not just another day

Sometimes when I get up in the morning I know that what the day holds is going to ensure that this is not just another day.  A few months ago I know that the first thing I would do would be to start feeling sort of sorry for myself.  How could this be happenning to me?  What did I do to deserve this?  What am I going to do?   Worry, worry, worry…You probably know the sorts of questions I asked myself.  (mostly centered around me, I’m ashamed to say)

Life seems to throw some really tough stuff at me somedays.  I don’t think I can expect the tough things not to happen to me even if I am doing all the “right ” things.  But I know that whatever comes today, I don’t have to bear the burden of it all by myself.  So today as I go with my daughter to deal with the consequences of something she did, I go supported in the prayers of good friends with the God who created this marvellous child of mine at my side. 

I don’t know if I learn more from these things or if my children do.  I am learning not to be so concerned about my image and at the same time I think my kids are learning more about the value of respect and honor due to being tagged with a well known family name.  That is sort of a weird thing to see happening because I don’t think kids of today see the value of their roots until they are much older and beginning to see their place in the whole scheme of things.  They are too wrapped up in discovering who they are to see outside of themselves maybe.  I think kids acquire a fear of shaming the family name but the value of their family heritage is something they have to learn on their own.  Hopefully they have one they can value.  I hope they can see the place God has in ours.

Anyway, I think their most important rootedness is going to be in God.  I’m hoping to find ways to help them grow more deep solid roots in their faith.  I want it to be real and living for them.  I want them to be able to take it with them into any of the circumstances they will face in life.  I want to try and be active in this area of my kids lives this year.

God has given me some amazing kids.  I was just thinking about this last night and saying to Leo how excellent our kids are in their own special areas of expertise.  What talents they have!  One who is the top team in the provincial soccer league, one who is so talented in her dance that she could very well go on to do this for a living, my other kids who, in spite of some significant learning problems, have their own unique talents at which they excell besides doing well in school and sucessfully pursuing careers.  But to be really successful they need God to be present with them because great careers and exceptional talents just don’t measure up to sucess in “life”. 

It was in one of my more anquished moments that I wrote this:

A Mother’s Cry

I’m mad at you God.

I wanted it all to be perfect

A loving husband and good kids

That did what I expected

Now look at what You’ve done!

 

Did I not follow where You led?

Did I not listen?

What happened to the plans

That I concocted?

What are You doing?

 

It hurts to be a mother

With all my parent wishes.

I’ve tried to do Your will

I’ve tried to teach them

How can they banish You ?

 

I’ve still no answers

To my anguished pleas

When will they see?

When will they hear?

God please answer me!

 

I look up for Your face

Can’t see for tears

Feel nothing now but love

In my pain, You take me in Your arms

And say I love you. Isn’t that enough?”

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