I Want To

One of the passages I read lately was from Matthew 8: 1 to 4. In this story, Jesus is dealing with a man who comes to him to be healed of his leprosy. He asks and Jesus says “I want to.” “Be healed”.

I come to Jesus bringing my acts of stupidity and ignorance and anger and say “Jesus please take these and make me clean again.” And he says “I want to…Be healed” And then instead of acting like I have been made clean and doing the necessary stuff to verify this act of God, I hang onto my problems. I do not say I am sorry, I keep repeating the same ignorant or angry acts. I hesitate to leave his presence looking like a healed person, acting like a changed person.

I forget to keep my eyes on Jesus and instead look inside myself. I lose sight of where he wants me to go.

I need to learn to let things go and move on in him. After all he has done, after all the examples of his forgiveness and healing, it is still hard to let him have the stuff he wants to take away.

One of my weakest areas is just accepting this and moving on. I tend to go over and over my mistakes. I may have no one to even apologize to. My stupidity begins to consume my introverted, introspective mind and become more important than it should be. I just need to take up my life, leave my foolish mistakes in his hands and move on to where he wants me to go next.

Help me to actually follow my own advice God!

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