Daily Archives: July 1, 2003

The Gift

Last evening I was given a gift. My drummer boy brought home a beautiful set of planters. A late Mother’s Day gift he said. Maybe it was a peace offering. Maybe he sensed in advance that he would need to atone somehow for his sins.

It is a totally humbling and very overwhelming experience to receive gifts that are totally unmerited in the sense that I am not the mother” just standing in for her. Here I am accepting a gift that rightly should belong to someone else. I keep having this happen to me on the part of my children”. The sense that they love me is too powerful for words at times. They, Jacques and Régine, gave this up so that the boys could have an education. And I don’t know just how to accept the gifts sometimes. I wish I could wrap them up and return them to their rightful owners. I feel as if I am usurping a right that should only belong to them. They gave it up freely but did they know the cost?

I certainly didn’t know the cost emotionally that accepting two kids into our family would exact from me. There is something so different about having children as a part of your family who you have neither chosen to birth or adopt. They were just coming for school and I did not intend to let my heart get tangled up in trying to love them. I intended to just give them a safe, caring place to live while they got their education. Little did I know the consequences of that decision. I had no idea how love would work its way into our relationships in such a subtle way that when the crises came I would find that my heart had already been taken over by these two young men. I love them. I love them as surely as I love my biological and adopted children who I set out from the start intending to love.

I have learned that love is expandable. If Love lives in you, it is not going to be possible to limit the level at which God expresses himself. The more you make room in your home the more room you will find. The more Love you let grow in your heart, the bigger your heart will get. God’s grace is sufficient.

Oh yeah I do get the agonies of worrying over them too and the toil of disciplining. I get to deal with the sorrow of homesickness and depression and the hurt of angry words passed between brothers. But seeing these guys grow up into young men is a reward well worth the hard times.

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Todays trouble is enough for today

This morning my reading took me to Matthew 6:19 to 34. One of my favorite verses is in this passage – verse 34

“So don’t worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will bring its own worries.
Todays trouble is enough for today.”

I need to hear this since my natural tendency is to worry and despair.

The whole passage is also about the wise use of money. More than some, in our last few years, God has blessed us with abundance financially. It’s also a big pain since we could support a couple of families on what we pay to CCRA. And even so our spending always seems to exceed the resources.

Leo aptly describes children as parasites who latch onto our wallet at birth, not letting go until it is sucked dry. It doesn’t take long with 3 in University and one starting a business and a family – we have 3 to 6 more kids in the lineup for university funding too over the next 6 or seven years. They had better take good care of us in our old age!

Leo visited the accountant yesterday. We have back taxes, kid expenses and a big bill coming up for refinishing the exterior of our house. So it is a good time to be reminded of the bounty of God’s provision. We also have to be reminded of the necessity of using God’s resources wisely. When money is abundant enough it is easy to waste on little indulgences and to get selfish with it.

Matthew 6: 32 and 34 say:
“Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.”

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