My devotional reading this morning speaks of cynicism – a subtle sin that spreads doubt. It is a popular thing to be cynical. Too much optimism seems out of touch with the world around us. It is OK to be a cynic, to spread doubt and criticism. If our words are biting enough then people will listen. But if we are constantly being the cynic then what does this do to our community?
Hebrews 10: 22 – 25 says:
“…let us go right into the presence of God, with true hearts fully trusting him. … Without wavering, let us hold tightly to the hope we have,for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near.”
Today I will try to look for ways to encourage or receive encouragement. It is another “sedation day” so that may be a challenge for me.
There are a lot of you bloggers out there trying to answer the question of why blog. Are we similar personalities? I think I began because finally here is an avenue of expression for me. I am not a good person with oral words. I lose my train of thought quickly. I have difficulty in saying out loud what I really think. I find that most times when I speak I end up wishing I had never said that. Sometimes I even have to appologize for some stupid thing I said that when given time to reflect was not what I should have siad at all. I guess that is called sticking my foot in my mouth. It seems to fit in there too easily. When blogging, I can go back and correct, revise, even hold onto a thought and not publish it. Maybe even delete it. I definately wish I could do that with the words I say – quite often in fact. I am also an introvert but here I can speak without somehow worrying about it. After all you don’t have to read any of this and maybe no one does.
I also read blogs because you guys out there say a lot of really intelligent stuff. Some I don’t understand but most of what you say speaks to where I’m at. I feel like I have entered into a community that I like and feel at home in.
Last night I went to my daughter Grace’s dance recital. Grace is very petite, very athletic(quite proud of her 6 pack) and very agile. She is a fantastic Hip Hop dancer. I wish she would put half the effort into her schoolwork as she does into her dance. I went with as much of the family as I could muster, my dad and step mom, my daughter -in-law to be and my elderly aunt. It always amazes me that their reaction is so favorable. We never would have dared dance let alone dance Hip hop when I was a kid!
My dad seems to be doing better since I last put a word in here about him. He apparently did have a little stroke and he is definately more feeble in the physical sense. His mind is still slipping away slowly. We are so fortunate to have Sharon(my step-mom) who cares for him so well. We know it cannot be easy. When I took him down to Saskatoon a week or so ago, I wrote this on returning. Maybe I am frightened a bit at my own future. This is not the way anyone would like to go.
Searching for answers in your mind
You come up blank
Or with a story
To the question
That we can’t even correct you.
Sitting beside me as we wait
Suddenly you expound
On the value
They must need it you say.
Short circuits happening again.
Where do you go in your mind
As we sit with you?
You try to enter
In hopeless turns,
We speak, you lose your way.
At the moment, while we speak,
Do you remember,
How you taught me to walk,
To ride a bike,
To swim, to drive, to …?
Now I am driving, taking you home.
Then suddenly as the red sun sets
There spring into your mind
An old song
And you sing
My mind floods with memories.
And I wonder if this is a shadow
Of how I will become.
No quick or glorious
Surrounded by my children
My mind escapes, my body lingers on.
I keep mulling around in my head this whole classification of types of believers; moderns, post moderns etc. If as Fred Peatross says over in Future Margins, Moderns like to categorize everything does this make Fred a “Modern” because after reading his newsletter I feel as if someone has been trying to categorize me. Maybe it is just my personality or maybe my parents before me had already come to the realization that God can’t be understood and explained completely and passed that sense down to me.
I can remember as a student trying to wrap my brain around all those theological arguments and thinking “Wow, if I had a great theological mind maybe I could convince people God exists.” But I never was much good at theology and proofs so I had to be content with knowing God existed because I had felt his presence, he was all around me in his creation and because people who had gone before me had known him. I think I am still a very simple person when it comes to great theological debates. Too much theory makes my head spin and my brain hurt.
I know God is here, I love him more than I know how to express and I know that even when life seems desperately unfair in what it throws my way, there is no where else to turn but back to God. He expects and deserves everything from me but he also knows every weakness I have and he loves me -not what I do or bring to him – but me. He never expects me to do anything without his help. If I mess up, like a father he lets me crawl up onto his lap and he puts his arms around me. When my sore spots are healed he sends me off to try again.
What kind of a believer does this make me? I don’t much care and I wonder if God does.
I guess I can understand how you professional types (pastors and theologians ) might toss these weighty matters around between you. It must be a bit like me trying to decide if the patient has irreversible pulpitis, an inflammed pulp or a necrotic pulp. To the patient it is just a toothache and would I quit talking about it and get him out of pain.
Today we had a potluck lunch after church – a bridal shower actually. Randall talked this morning about how being the church is about our relationships with God and with each other. We also feasted at God’s table in the service. We were being a community of believers to each other. Some are old and set in their ways and don’t see the need for change to happen in the forms of our worship, some are young and think anyone over 30 is ancient and out of touch with the real world. Some are just being introduced to God and others are just about at the end of their journey on earth. Some probably don’t even know much about God. But we worshiped and fellowshiped together and it was good. I hope we brought glory to God. And I hope God forgives me for promising to put in a good word for Johanna because she (and some of the other youth) helped me wash the little tiny communion glasses. She’s a good kid, God bless her.